‘Be true to yourself.’
Trust your gut instinct.’
How many times do we hear those words and how many times do we discard them by ignoring the whisper deep down in our core? That something isn’t right about a situation. That there must be another way or we will sell ourselves, our souls. For something that, in exchange will destroy everything we have found. The love, the freedom within.
Letting go can be the hardest part of it all. You will hear about a few circumstances I am recently facing, describing exactly what it means to live in your core and to listen to that whisper that stems from it.
Something was brewing the whole time. From his arrival up to last night we experienced such incredible growth, that by looking back, it seems to have shifted the world inside of us into a reality we both always wanted: To be free to be us and to follow our vision no matter what.
As I am sitting here, it is a few minutes after 9am and my mind goes nuts. David is out to fetch a few things and I have the apartment all to myself. It feels good to be alone right now. And yet it feels like he is gone already.
Against all decisions of security, David and I have decided not to get married. We never wanted to in the first place. We saw it a means to stay together. Through this unreal commitment of a legal marriage, we also felt the heavy burden on our shoulders and how it began to tear on our souls. Unhappiness spread like cancer through our days. It was ridiculously tough to feel free with the decision to agree to a legal bond in which we’d lose our power, who we are and what we stand for.
We already got married a while back – the shaman way. With candle lights and words of radical honesty, we whispered our promises into each others ears. Naked on the bed with the wish to re-frame what marriage means to us, only us, we locked eyes and exchanged what we felt was right. For each of us in this bond of hearts.
We were relieved to know that we have each other in this space we created for us. That we wouldn’t tie each other down, other than for pleasure purposes. That we would always honor who we are and what our personal mission is. The core of each of us stood as a token, even of what we feel for each other. Our mission merged, the focus, the love, the growth into who we want to become was strong. So strong that it feels it could tear the world apart. And all along change it for the better.
As you might already know, David came from Australia to Germany to be with me. Soon his visa will run out and with the business just starting off we have no means to support our relationship the way it is required by German law. I cannot move anywhere outside of the country due to a court case that requires for me to stay here. At least for now.
So now we’ll have to find another way to make our liaison stay true. He will leave in a few weeks. And then….
We have in mind for him to return. We will see if that works out in our favor. Hopefully it does.
We both feel that this is the right thing to do, and yet we fear that we won’t find back together after a prolonged time span of separation. When we first began to speak online, it only took us a month to decide that this is what we wanted.
To be together.
Little did we know that everything we did in order to obey the law and simultaneously wanting to live what we believe in, couldn’t work out. It just couldn’t. Papers over papers were needed to get married. It had to be approved by a German instance and then we might be able to get married. When I look back right now, it all appears a big joke. No kidding.
We knew it wouldn’t work with all of the resistance we had against getting married. Why would we even complain that the world had turned against us?
How could we be so blind to see, that getting married under legal force is not what we stand for, is not in alignment with who we are in our core? As I write these lines, this wisdom pours through me like a never ending river of truth. Our truth.
It hurts, yes. A pain beyond description. And on the other side lies freedom beyond measure. Freedom to allow ourselves to be ourselves. The freedom to chose what is right for the both of us with everything it entails.
We honor our birthrights to be free in our souls, our minds, our sex.
The thought of it alone creates such lust within me, it is hard to describe. Yes, there is fear. Plenty of it. And there is courage. Even more of that. It is something that has to be done. So that we can indeed be free.
We promised ourselves to give us the emotional closure we need in order to make our relationship work in our favor. Over the distance. Around the globe. With that shining core of each of us.
There is endless love in our freedom versus our neediness. And thus I trust, that whatever will come our way, we will be magnificent. It just feels right. And free.
What else can I possibly say?
~ Joice Joker
Joice and her partner David Esotica work with women to create the ecstatic intimacy in a relationship they crave. They believe in laughing, crying, passion and orgasms. So you can imagine what happens when they talk about sex. And yes, they will continue to work with women, regardless.
Check out their Facebook pages: